Dear friend,
For a long time, I confused taking care of myself with correcting myself. If I was unhappy with my body, the answer always seemed to be more rules, more restriction, more exercise, more discipline. I would decide what I was going to stop eating, how much I was going to exercise, or what I needed to change about myself. And underneath all those plans was often a quiet message I did not recognize at the time: You have let yourself get here, and now you need to fix it.
The strange thing is, I called that caring for myself.
Maybe you have done that too. Maybe you have stood in front of the mirror and decided that tomorrow you were going to get serious. Maybe you have eaten something you had labeled “bad” and immediately started calculating how you could make up for it. Maybe exercise has sometimes felt less like something you do because your body deserves movement and strength and more like a consequence for what you ate or how you looked.
There can be such a fine line between discipline and punishment that sometimes we do not even realize when we have crossed it.
I am learning to ask myself a different question now. Instead of asking, What do I need to do to change this body? I am learning to ask, What would it look like to care for this body today?
Sometimes the answer is movement. Sometimes it is rest. Sometimes it is choosing food that will nourish me and give me energy. Sometimes it is enjoying something simply because it tastes good without turning that choice into a moral failure. Sometimes it is drinking water, going to bed earlier, taking a walk, or deciding that one choice I am disappointed in does not require me to punish myself for the rest of the day.
The actions may look ordinary from the outside, but the place they come from is very different.
Punishment says, I have to do this because I have failed.
Care says, I am going to do this because I have been entrusted with something worth caring for.
That distinction has become deeply connected to my faith. When I think about my body as something God has entrusted to me, stewardship begins to look different. Scripture reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and that we are not our own (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). I have heard those verses many times, but I am learning that stewardship does not require contempt. God does not need me to hate what He created in order for me to become a better steward of it.
And grace does not mean that we stop caring about our health.
I think sometimes we are afraid of that. We worry that if we stop criticizing ourselves, we will become complacent. If we stop feeling guilty about food, maybe we will stop making wise choices. If we accept ourselves today, perhaps we will lose the motivation to change tomorrow.
But I am beginning to believe there is another way.
We can pursue strength without self-hatred. We can practice discipline without punishment. We can make changes without declaring war on ourselves first.
That does not mean every choice will be easy. Caring for ourselves sometimes means doing things we do not particularly feel like doing. There are days when taking a walk requires effort. There are times when choosing what will nourish us requires saying no to what we want in the moment. Discipline still matters. But discipline and punishment are not the same thing. Healthy discipline says, I am worth showing up for, even when I don't feel like it. Punishment says, I have to suffer because I haven't been good enough. Friend, those are two very different ways to live inside your own body.

So today, I want to invite you to notice—not judge, fix, or overhaul anything. Just notice.

When you make a decision about food, movement, rest, or your body, ask yourself:
Am I doing this because I care for myself, or because I am trying to punish myself?
You may not always know the answer immediately. I don't either. Sometimes our motives are complicated. But becoming aware of them is a beginning.
And if you discover that some of what you have called discipline has actually been punishment, you don't need to shame yourself for that either.
You can simply begin again from a different place. Not because your body has finally earned your care. Because it was worthy of your care all along.

​
P.S. If this letter made you recognize something about the way you've been caring for yourself, you can hit reply and tell me. I read your replies, and I would genuinely love to hear from you.
​

With grace,

Autumn

Body Grace Letters